Older blog entries for xerox (starting at number 18)
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Julia and I reconnected in US around 2002. We weren't close friends
but our social circle criss-crossing at time during our school years
1984 - 1988. In 2002, she was working for Oracle as their corporate
consultant, flying in and out of cities on business every month, so
she told me. She was the same old bubbling spirit, cracking half
incredulous jokes and stories about CEO of Oracle, his 'lady' trouble
( an affair with another Chinese American woman at that time). Julia
told me that one time she and Larry was in the same elevator,
close-quarter but 'believe me, nothing happened between US', wink
Julia was at the party of my first born son's 100 days celebration in
Spring of 2002. We just moved from a BIG Victoria house in Plainfield NJ ( Queen city) to a tiny Levitt town house in a quite run-down ( blackie part of towns, in Burlington county, NJ. Many years later, New Jersey's former governor Jim McGreevey would settled in my old 'Victorian' neighborhood in Plainfield. I remembered, at State Police Museum, watching closely the newly elected governor McGreevey, with his then wife Dina, pinning a medal on #13th r Superintendent Colonel Rick Fonte.
I learned from Julia's friend that she left her sweetheart
boyfriend/husband. I don't think we ventured into old territory ( as
my Tsinghua guardian boyfriend/husband divorced me in 1995 December with a judgement/settlement letter from his attorney ). He sold our new car and I was entitled to half of its proceed. And that was the end of our story/marriage. And of course, it is 'I' that
wronged him with a 'love' affair outside of marriage and left our apartment to seek 'sheltering' place at Cornell University dorm. Using divorce settlement fund, I purchased a trailer outside of Cornell University for $5000 from another Chinese graduate family. But I had to sell it for $500 since the winter snow in 1996 had damaged its roof severely.
Julia and I kept in touch through emails after our chance meeting in
2002. She actually introduced me to two of her 'best' American
friends. We became pen pals. My impression is that both men were
friends before knowing her. In a sense, she was the third friend in
their three-some. And she left her husband, to allow herself to fall
in love with his best friend. Unfortunately, he had a daughter with
his previous marriage and Julia couldn't imagine herself being a
step-mother. In-Love and worry free was all she EVER wanted. The next
I heard from his 'divorced' friend/husband was the devastating news
that Julia has ended her own life in their home in Phoenix.
I always wondered if I could have persuaded Julia that American life
or American dreams is far darker and full of traps than what we had
envisioned for ourselves in our early 20s and to overcome _any_ 'lack' of loving prospect of 'new' suppliers ' for-better-and-for-worse' is bound to a tragically end.
I remember one day, seven months after the news of her death, I got on the social site she frequented with the happy-side of herself, there
were still many of her American friends leaving 'let's get together
soon' notes. Since then, I've lost interests to write to her 'best'
boyfriends from Phoenix, Arizona. But I am sure they might have
mourned her as much as I do, still till this day!
I can not find any picture of Julia 薛雨华 ( 1966 - 2003). So I
'borrowed' this poem with an imagery that I would always treasure this living singing voices of hers...
Title: A likely resemblance of kindness - 《可以》
Kindly, staying at an independently run hot spring
a stand-alone place among mountainous ranges
Trappings of flickering sincerity here and there
in and out of wandering visions.
The winding path of the night, altercating
black and white wet patches, unsuspected
slippery fall awaits beseeching traveler
faceless expressions of long dark hair
strangled mankind's meekly desire.
It is probable, certainly true.
Drunkards, protected by rails
outpoured his true feelings
Praise-worthy or not, this much I believe
Probability is back in fashion,
manufacturing fables of our beauty Queen
A new semblance taking its root and airy height
Our esteemed old self in new spotlight.
Let us merrily tackle social ill, as We
stand firm in our leather boots for animal rights protection
Imagine an Oxen eating a man to please his master
Is that possible?
Truly, a man can keep his creed
no matter how strange it seems, to others
a UFO from nowhere, let alone
graspable with another's feeble mind.
Try, holding up an umbrella
Try, being like a seed of daffadil
Whenever wind blows, parachuting to a different world.
Have you seen writers frantically scratching back and forth on their pads?
I always thought their writings so look like figurines
out of wax museums, the way writers dissected our living
Criminal intention is the same as we disregarded their fictional narratives.
Double down, a likely simulation of kindness
we must let blind folks giving up hearings, to boot
whoever can't think for themselves
must also risk well-to-do marooning feelings at once
See, there is a Japanese waxwing, on its last true flight,
to this other shore of eternal tranquility.
Loose re-creation as part of MY series of "translating' 茅境 Project.
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